Monday, February 28, 2011

Dell Optiplex Gx620 Windows 7 Drivers

secret (love) A love so




torments And though I know that in a few moments we will be gone

Volter I do not look at your face
I walk away while you try not


in my lonely hours and restless
and will not go back ever



no longer a secret to the world and for me even though it will be hard

even if I loved you very much
although anxious
burn and rave still


And I know that one day suddenly
'll remember us and try to seduce me again
with all our memories that we will not cancel
never

But I do not want
more
dying of love for you

Cico 2011 (C) Lands LPDC ecstasy


Inspired by John Ease with his Secret Love I love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMQbIGpI-5w

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Star Wars Pinewood Derby Cars Templates




A love like ours so

few have lived

explodes every day for you

girl my heart my skin on fire
under your lips
brace and wrap your arms around me calm my fears


A love so intense
, rebellious and passionate
as our first kiss
stolen on a night of rain disrupting the minutes

the hours, days
with his irrepressible and insatiable greed of us


Every moment, every moment I'm in love again
you
And all I want is to stop

this magic moment between us
for eternity


Cico 2009 (C) Lands LPDC ecstasy

Cheap Plastic Use Snowboard





You're still you and I will not stop
want you because you are so deeply impressed

between the wrinkles of my heart I keep

inevitably call to love

Yes
you definitely wonder and ecstasy for my troubled mind

a disturbance that is resistant to our ancient
hours
now confused memories of


You're the flame that never stops burning
never

My every breath is still

a hurricane
moments, magic and thrills
indelible memory on my skin


that you're still
whirlwind of emotions that does not stop to fascinate me ever


Cico 2009 (C) Lands LPDC ecstasy

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Blue Tick And Jack Russell Mix

you're still here with me Run away





Stay here with me as if I were more



get away from here ....... Stay

not leave me so lonely without you
watching us
fragments that crumble
words as restless and trembling in the air



're still only a moment beside me

ardi and inflaming the
my body and my skin

.......


Burn all my love

with the madness of the fire that burns within us always eager



Hold me to you with the audacity to note that intense
vibrate on our bodies
fearful and anxious for us
and stay here with me .........


Desiderami
with the storm and the troubles that afflict the

breath and always breathtaking


love me still and forever the flame that feeds

our turbulent lives
..... ....
remains
here next to me as if I were to go away from here more

and still plays a 'last
your music for me my love


dedicated to John, whose "Close to me "I was inspired during a concert in Rome on February 19 and whose music fills our hearts every day
(to listen closely with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_79UmVZuDE )


Cico 2011 (C) LPDC integr. Lands ecstasy

Drawings Of Strangled Women





Run away a bit from your life and my
words that we said never

live in fear of this love so intense that there
scared heart Run away


dirt roads without you
shipwrecked love you confused

drops of fire
stealing us


Run away again as I wonder how it was possible then

once

still spoil everything between us

sweep away
away forever the desire for you is enough for me

now only a memory of us

Cico 2009 (C) Lands LPDC ecstasy

How Meadco Scriptx Do It

Maybe love


Maybe it's a sign that you love

left in my life indomitable
in my mind and my body greedy
who still wonders where you are or


old flame that still burns today

that grips me
stealing hours and sighs

Maybe it's love

miss the moments where your heart

small pieces that make you more restless and eager to


Maybe it's me when we love
steal moments of love and instead we snuck
anxious poking and peering at distant
silence in our lives

But if you love, please
once again steal the intensity of a last
oblivion

Maybe love is love
certainly

Cico 2009 (C) Lands LPDC ecstasy

Monday, February 21, 2011

Bellypunching Art Galleries

ONE DAY IN SEPTEMBER, OLD LOVE. ......... Cap XIII


Cap XIII

Saturday 30 December. The clock, managed to beat seven bells that morning, he found Lina, ready to go out, leaving Crispino still in bed. The woman walked towards the road to S. Joseph marshes to go to the cemetery. In the days before, she remembered of her husband has forgotten to wish you a merry Christmas. Now that the holidays were over liturgical meant less to offer his congratulations for the new year, the first that had there been seen together: "At least from the perspective that would Having regard to ordinary mortals. "
think about it, wish you a Merry Christmas, a suicide, which was denied to life, going against the will of God, it was not right to do so. Gerardo, now, was to await the decision of God, hoping to give him the opportunity to be able to reincarnate, to purify the soul, tainted by a lack of faith. A lost faith, at being confined to a wheelchair, paralyzed by a stupid accident, turned into tragedy.
Lina believed in reincarnation very special. Combined with the way one chooses to live their lives, and Gerard, his life had ended evil.
His reincarnation, would take place after the purification of his act, his would have been a troubled rebirth. Wish him to be reborn in Christ, would not make sense, at least not yet. With this thought the woman opened the gate of the cemetery, partially approached, es'avviò going along the path to the stairs that would take her up, where he was buried Gerardo: the side of the chapel of S. Michele.
he is cleaning the stone and, to speak with her husband who died, Lina did not notice that the chapel of St. Michael, a man in a black robe approached the grave.
The man in clerical garb, was a few seconds behind her to listen in silence, without interruption. The sun, just above the waves of the East, reflected its feet, the black shadow of a man. Lina slowly, her heart was pounding in his chest, followed by the shadow at his feet, starting from the head of this and little by little, his eyes took her to the shape of man.
Black was interminable, over the shadow, even the shoes, and body parts were black. When Lina, raised his head to all of those who reflected the shade, went to the heart from the chest to the throat, and many physical features that the figure reported to her husband.
- What does a nasty worm like you in this hour on this tomb, in this holy place? Why do you come to desecrate a place of rest, a place where only death can clean the dirt that is in living things. Your own species, that you think is dirty: basandoti your perverse instinct. ... Listen to me: I give advice, combined death differently, do not do as you do now. Do not come near her, blended with a plaque. Push yourself and go beyond, you're part of her. Instead of penetrating thou among women, let it be the sweet death to penetrate you. Wipe your mouth, kissing her, and not to hide in clothes which are not worthy to wear, and you wear, to give you a sacred virginal that you did not. Make yourself free, drink from his cup, ... make glad the sweet death .-
Don Alfonso, stood in her shadow for a few moments, then, without speaking, put her on the opposite side, where she bends, she continued to clean the plaque.
did not want to frighten her, to be avoided this side, and chose Starla in front, he wanted to make her feel protected, at least a plaque. And as usual, bent down to her: and, at the level of the lava, which covered the ditch.
Now, he could see her well in face. But he did not do so, he did not want to embarrass or even less, feel gutted by the look of her. The priest removed his handkerchief and wiped his name and date written on the stone.
- Gerard Borriello * 03/02/1864 * 10/08/1905 + .-
After put the handkerchief into the sleeve of his tunic, without looking at the woman and said: - Can you say things, giving the exact definition of the terms used. Want my death? What can I say, praying that this happens, it can relieve your anger, I will help; will pray with you that this relief will be given .-
Lina was puzzled, he asked that give meaning to those words, and what had made the arrogant and lecherous priest she knew.
And, if until that moment had not looked up to him, he did now. But he could not look into his eyes. The man in front of her, not looking at her, his gaze was fixed on the tombstone of his brother and turned to her, as if he was talking to his brother: - I was given the task of keeping open the chapel of St. Michael, being available to the faithful, at least a couple of days a week. Since I was ordered to open the chapel, I chose to come here on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Sunday morning, sent Don Lorenzo, my assistant pastor. Sunday: Christmas Eve, in the morning, I asked Don Lorenzo, to say mass in my place. Something prompted me to come and open the chapel. I came here alone, at other times, I brought the altar boys to help me. When I arrived, I could not believe my eyes, people were already here, from the first light of dawn.
Some women saw me, stopped me and thanked me. I asked them why they thank me, and the oldest, told me that it would not have lost the S. Mass. I told him that if I was not I, the Church in any way would open Don Lorenzo and, again, he would have celebrated Holy Mass. The woman smiled, told me: "I suggest you also call him, you can not tell you all the Masses."
He was right, I called them two boys and I sent Don Lorenzo, people had been poured throughout the cemetery. And, while I devoted myself to the confession, after celebrating his first Mass, my assistant pastor, said the second Mass.
Since that day, I chose to keep the chapel open a bit 'more, just for this holiday season. From the confessions, I realized that many feel the need to share with their missing, the malaise they have inside, most often caused by not fully participate in the joy of the birth of Christ ... .-
Lina, rising from the position which was placed in front of him, and with a nod or hand, showed him to be silent, saying - Stop being a priest with me, you wasting your time, I do not like to hear other crap. At least for once do the right thing, go away, leave me alone with my husband. And if you have more to say, say it to your God
That God who, shamefully, have you made in your image and likeness .-
Humiliated by the words used by the woman, the priest stood up, and apologizing, he returned broken-hearted to the chapel. With uncertain step, the man climbed the few steps, and entered the small church. Lina decided that in future, alone at the cemetery in the morning, there would be more coming, he would have done in the afternoon. Now, however, it was better to go away, the saliva from the stomach, a feeling of nausea.
At first thought that crept into her, the woman with a denial that his head, smiled and drove him back mentally. Of course, the potential for conceiving Cerano all: only that he lacked the raw material. And not because no one to come along, on the contrary, but now she has long had intercourse could have said, to remember vaguely like a man made. One of the latest reports had, and satisfied, brought back to mind, a Gerardo in good health. After the fall, there was some other relationship, but nothing could compare to that desired. So much so that, man, mortified, ashamed to make love to her, by refusing his advances. In turning to leave, with the foot, Lina touched an object moving forward, led her to look on the ground. It was a black leather wallet, the woman bent down and picked it up hesitantly. The first thing that sprang to the eyes, were the initials engraved on dark skin, a B and A, Alfonso initial Borriello: the portfolio was the brother in law.
Ben swollen as it was, was to include several pennies, he would have been a long rich new year to face his brother and his disgusting family. Lina stood a quick stop to look at the wealth of container in his hands, but did not last long. The woman began to feel a tingling in the fingers and soon after, she felt his hands: first, getting heavier and then absorb heat through the contact with the skin of the portfolio. He had almost the perception that this, the sheets in his hands.
The impulse that came, was to throw it away, there, where he was or maybe lay it on the stone slab and escape. Better not to get the money for that pig. ... What she had nothing to do with the black beetle. About her, the instinct of disgust that linked the man to a slimy worm. It traveled by a thrill, Lina threw his wallet on the ground and began to walk away from the cemetery. But, walked a few meters, taken from the care, the woman stopped and turned back.
anyone else would find the money, and without knowing that money was a curse, using them, it would be dirty. Lina was left to reflect for a moment and after thinking, he decided: he would have buried. Or ... no! The only sensible thing to do was to bring him and tell him, behold! Here, they were at the foot of the tombstone. Enough! It was not to add anything more. Lina himself down, picked up his wallet and when handling it, the two sides were opened partially, leaving little or nothing to see. The woman's curiosity was not slow to take hold of her and led her to fumble in your wallet, opening it at all. The treasury contained the two sides of leather hand-sewn; passing between his fingers and brought to his eyes, took his breath away. And with the breath, the certainties of the mode of action, and aim for the priest. Dirt individual full of lust, who knows why, in the portfolio had some little things that have to do with what you thought of him. After pulling out of the sheath, the first picture: that of her husband. He pulled out the second photo, where he saw three people: her husband, Crispin, and her. The woman went back in time, came to mind when, three of them together, they made the photo.
The same picture: "It could not be mistaken," which lately, he had seen inside the wallet of her husband, but this was in the dresser of his house in the bedroom, how could that he had? Continuing to look inside, he found a when he was alone. The woman remembered that as well. I remember having made it in Piazza S. Cross, before marrying, had recently met Gerardo and were engaged. He asked her to take a picture alone, a picture you can keep and take with him for having this even when he was not physically. Even this image, Lina did not know how to explain it. Strangely, the portfolio of the priest, there were no pictures of parents: his mother and father to them, had nothing to remember them. Of money, there were few, better to say: nothing. Some currency gave weight to the object, on the other hand, there were so many holy pictures: the Immaculate, S. Cyr, the Madonna di Portosalvo, S, and the Holy Mary of the Standard for Excellence. ... S. Gennaro.
Lina, grouping them together and added to the photos, then all together, put in the portfolio. In doing so, wrote a piece of paper, folded between two holy pictures, he parted from them, and fell from his hands, she bent down picked it up, but before you lay it opened and read.
"Our greatness and happiness is not to be priests, but do not be good priests and the angelic and divine priestly functions, but do them well," [1]
Lina, did not understand what he meant writing, folded the paper and kept it along with your photos and holy pictures. He did not know with what face to present to him and like being told where he took pictures of his family. Sure could not tell him - Look! I opened my wallet and so by accident, I noticed that inside there are pictures, I was young, as well as those of my family. How do you explain them to you? -
Lina, the dilemma would put off, forced himself to go one step at a time, but for now it was better to hand over his wallet. Then, we will see another time, to find a way, let us clarify this mystery. Entering the small church, Lina could not see anything the altar was bare, the empty lectern, and only the presence of two candles burning before the tabernacle, indicated the presence of someone in the Church. No one would have left two candles burning, with the risk of causing fires without getting to control them. If the priest had gone off would have the candles to prevent accidental fires. Lina, crossed the seats not far from the altar and through a small opening, introducing in a few square meters, which was leased to the sacristy.
The woman expected to become accustomed to darkness, to see us and, when the eyes were ready, he noticed the man sitting in a corner, hidden behind a column.
in human hands, hung a wreath of grain with blacks, and a metal crucifix. Lina, stood in silence close to not disturb his prayer. The priest, absorbed in meditation, did not notice her immediately, but only when the scent dell'abbiente changed, and nostrils came the smell of the woman. The man, startled, raised his head, to back down immediately afterwards, and ask in a low voice.
- What! We left and still have something to say? -
- No! I went to deliver this, it was at the foot of the plaque; above are your initials. I thought it was yours, behold! Note .-
Taking his wallet from her hand the priest said - Thank you, I will have lost when I'm down on the tombstone. I would be sorry to lose him, we are within a few dollars and many memories. Precious little for those who find him a huge loss for me .-
- What will there ever be so important: your testament? -
- perhaps, are the only things I have in my earthly life: my family, or that I have left it .-
Lina felt the nausea turn into a stomach cramp, but was held out by him and said.
- I'll take you from pictures of your mother and your father, or have a hidden family, a woman with children? From a person like you, there's to be expected of all .-
- Please, if you insult me, do not do in this sacred place, we go out! -
- No! I go away on its own, to tell you I do not feel the same things that maybe you feel put in private by those who know you as you really are .-
- I charge you! Just please! ... Shut up, I'm tired! -
A tired, said as surrender, but at the same time, it was said with a firm, the tone was broken, without a lot of strength to fight back, but decided.
Lina, had no intention of going away, wanted to know why the black beetle, believed her and Crispino, his family. Who gave him the right, stand as a master of his feelings of love and family affection? Who gave him the right to interfere in lives that do not belong to him!? He could not, in such a short time, forget that he was the same man of God, which some months before, had told him volersela to fuck, to overcome the absence of her husband! What, he began to give her trouble, was the hatred she felt for him. Begins to undergo a metamorphosis, and evaded the first feelings aroused. With amazement, Lina noted that the same hatred, seemed enormous. It is contradicted, in wanting to curse as a man of God, and want to justify his actions, not blaming the priest, but the loneliness that enveloped a man only too. ...
And without love any man, becomes dry. The feelings experienced so far, were undoubtedly for their diversity and she did not have the ability to analyze them. Ahead of her time, she saw a man with the same appearance of her husband, but that was not her husband was a poor priest with even a wood oval crown worn economic integration between your fingers. So many questions went to the woman's mind, but could not ask directly. For this reason, walked toward the exit, with the hope that he would stop ... could not let her go away like that. And how she hoped the priest would not allow her to leave, at least not before listening to him.
With vibrant voice, choked with emotion, the priest tried to stop it, calling it first came out from the sacristy. He did not want to see it go, without saying other things: - Lina, Lina! Wait a minute, I want to talk .-
The woman stopped, but turned to him, stayed with an eye to the exit, toward the windows of the church. The man caught her and stood behind him, and without touching it, said - I want to talk to you, ... give me the opportunity to do so, just this once, forget the bad things that have hurt you .-
Lina shooting turned to him and said - Well! What, you want to confess? You can live with, lets trade. Here! I will come in the confessional, while you, t'inginocchierai and tell me your sins, perhaps, since I can give me absolution if you can masturbate with pious ....-
Lina could not finish the word, the hand of the priest silenced her, covering her mouth, let it go further in saying foul language in a holy place consecrated.
- No! Shut up! ... Tell me what you want, treat me like you think you deserve, but do not touch my faith and, instead of swearing in the house of the Lord. I can not afford to do it! Tell me all the dirty words you want, call me with the worst epithets, addossami believe that the sins give me, and rightly so on. But do not do this place in the house of God, not to offend my faith: I remains just that. I have so many things to forgive me, not only from you, my life was a mess of ineptitude, faith is the only thing that filled my life .-
Lina, to take out the hand of the priest , smelling good from his mouth, he heard the man tremble. The touch, mixed, to the place where they were, made insecure and fragile, the man who, despite appearances, they wanted a demon for his behavior: he loved God more than anything else. Of course, it did not reflect the same aura of sanctity of the other priests, but his faith does not approach the evil was there as a dividing line in the middle of its conflicts between the desires of a man, and faith. ... Being a priest, to try human desires, it was not all. Only those who had chosen to be fishers of men like anime, could judge faults inherent in human weakness and where the devil a foothold.
Lina, stopped thinking, and rethinking the rage for almost acquitted him, shooting turned to go away, in doing so, a dizziness caused him to lose his balance. To avoid falling, Lina, s'accasciò, sitting down heavily on the last seat, near the exit.
Frightened, the priest, before approaching her, wet the tip a handkerchief in the stack, containing holy water, and passed it on the face and forehead of the woman who left him to do, without retreating. The man with a light hand, wet cheeks of the woman, stopping to look at it.
- Why did you turn your head, you have not had breakfast this morning? I have some candy, you want them? T'aiuteranno, if the fault is the weakness .-
Lina, accepted the confetti, thinking that the only drink coffee that morning, was not a good idea, and this dizzy, had the answer.
The priest, feeling partly to blame for the incident, to have her reprimanded, he said: - As you see, forces me to repeat myself in asking forgiveness, now I have to forgive me for this, it was my fault, I should not say certain things, I understand that you say, why are you angry with me ... sorry! -
- you do not ask forgiveness or apologize: you must not do. So, of essermelo deserved, I was a stupid blasphemous. I must not forget to visit me in a place of worship. You did well to recover. God is not central in our pettiness .-
Lina wanted to reiterate another but the priest stopped her.
- You're right, our smallness leads us on second thoughts, often wrong, and if it succeeds, we fix our mistakes, with other errors. We do, thinking that the latter are not. We want to believe to be right, but in ourselves, we know that we are not. ... Who knows, maybe you do because in us, there is the awareness of being human and to err is human. ... Sometimes we cling to this possibility for mistakes on purpose. It is, to become weak in the eyes of him, hopefully, can protect you: love you. And maybe you do not even think of making fools of themselves ... slimy .-
Lina, could not understand what he meant, and told him: - I did not understand much of your speech. Did I miss the ability to understand, are too ignorant to understand you and behind layers .-
The priest did not want to repeat anything of what he said, he realized to have spoken of him, Lina had not asked to be part of his thoughts. His repent and apologize to her, belonged only to this last part. Even now he was there, refer to remnants of inconsistency that always claimed the same things. Strange but true: no one besides them, had appeared at the door of the little church was about two hours they were there in the chapel, and entry was not a living soul. It would have sufficed, as he left the Church and can not find it now would not be there, hurting themselves and making accusations, flagellation for the soul.
Two hours before, feeling the cold emptiness of the chapel, the priest in looking around, felt a feeling of loneliness, no one had gone to hear mass, and no one was there to confess. He was convinced that women preferred to devote that day to the preparations for the new year, leaving the dead. He found it to be so nearly right, the euphoria of the end of the year, would avert the everyday life of every day, banished from the soul of the faithful, thoughts, misery and sadness. Hesitation, forgotten and replaced by moments of relief, not only for the spirit; moreover, the duty to pray at the stone, the people did in previous days.
For a mistake, born between Don Lorenzo and Don Alfonso, had been a rumor, that the Mass at the cemetery that morning, there would have been. The assistant pastor, not knowing the decision of Don Alfonso, he wanted to open a small church, thought it his duty to warn the faithful that morning, the church of S. Michael remained closed to the faithful. He could not say: she had to go to the diocese of Naples. When the deputy told him, it was too late to warn the faithful. And the priest, decided to open the same, for people who do not know. The purpose was, but the lack of the faithful, made him decide that could close the chapel, and a little before leaving. But before doing so, the priest wanted to give their last respects to Gerald and nearby the tombstone of his brother had found Lina. Let the woman sitting on the bench, the priest stood up, es'avvicinò altar to turn off the two candles placed in front of the tabernacle, but first, he was concerned to remove the ciborium with the consecrated hosts a few, placing a special case. Meanwhile, Lina got up and had to back out on the tombstone of her husband. It was not long, and a voice behind her spoke to her. - we miss you? The lack of Gerardo, has emptied inside, he went away with a part of us .-
- What centers with Gerard? I do not think that even in your veins flowed the same blood. Too many: too far away, in mentality and outlook on life. You and your noble family, you've gone, abandoned as a dog, throwing him, the curse of your family. He died longing, acceptance of a union, that the same God chose and blessed you, you refused, denouncing his will. ... The dream of your brother was to join the two families, with the blessing of God is to miss them hypocrites within you, Gerardo was already dead for some time, because I cry now? -
The only words that did not confirm the thought of women, were seen in the photo portfolio of the brother in law. The strong bond between him and her husband, though, full of doubts and inconsistencies, a lack of clarity on the part of Gerard, was, and she, of this, he could not dock an explanation. The dark, as often happens, not always remain so. One glimmer of light, arrives unexpectedly, and when the wait less in life. Arriva to make you see things, that the darkness before, you were forbidden to see. And the unexpected light, came to Lina, the man meekly, squatting beside her, near the headstone of Gerald: - often come and pray on this rock. "I do not believe it, and so if you do hard to do so; for you, I would do the same thing. " I loved my brother more than you could imagine. Many brothers are jealous of the second born, especially if they are boys like them, oddly enough, I was not.
greeted this brother as a gift to my being obedient to God and the Virgin Mary that mother made me pray every night, waiting for this child. I had less than four years, my mother, to get more strength to the Lord, it forced me to pray with her, starting from six in the morning, ending late in the evening. The last prayer, I said before falling asleep in my cot. I prayed with her for the Saints, and Christ first, they did come Gerardo. When he was born, I was happy for two reasons: for her brother, and not having to wake up early in the morning. ... As I said, I have never been jealous of my brother at fault if ever, gave my parents or rather, my mother. My father saw him recently and only in winter: sometimes, even in those. In most cases, was lured away from the good life, attracted by beautiful women. Run away, excessive religiosity of my mother, she went to bed, fully dressed she would not excite him. He wanted to get away from them, the pleasure of the wanton lust for her, every temptation, leading to sin.
Sometimes, it bothered me that my brother had everything and did everything, but for me, everything was closed. The way forward was marked by bans and submissions, were ready to obey; meeting with the Lord: I was the sacrificial lamb, the first son to offer to God ... The same God who, bless you for choosing me el 'I hated her for an adult, when for him, I had to put my head under the pillow, to suppress the turbulent ardor of my youth. Burning desire, that m'imploravano to give vent to some immoral impulses. Impulses, not even the chaplet of the Rosary, unable to suppress, both were engraved in the flesh.
The day I closed the seminary, I had just finished making my tenth year of life. "It will be the last and only happy memories." Childhood days, spent in the company of friends. Now that gave me the opportunity to feel equal. I remember those days, still, I was tied to a poor child: still, I remember being blonde with blue eyes. Followed me wherever I went, his name does not befit a lot to his figure, his name was Carolina: the small Carolina, he shared everything with me. One Sunday afternoon, after the catechism, we stopped to sit in his house, and I told her what was spoken in my house, with decisions taken by my parents my future. I told her that I would go away soon, the seminary there, I completed my studies and became a priest. Carolina first paused and looked at me, then candidly, with a sad voice, combined with a principle of crying, with tears in his eyes told me: "Do not you marry me?". I told him that the priests could not marry, they choose to marry with the Church with the Saints. And she, rising, said: "I will become Santa and get married." And when I say, ran away. ... A few months before I had finished the fifth grade, and I was about to finish the catechesis To receive the sacrament of Confirmation. My steps, guided by the will of my mother, and that of God, they walked, where I intended. Joint consent for my entry into the seminary, my father accompanied me. My mother stayed home to care for Gerard, he could not leave him alone and then he did not like to be touched. I still remember my father, while drunk, accompanied me with the cart, muttering incomprehensible phrases, a horse deaf to his appeals. And, to me, his voice hoarse, for the guilt he felt towards me, repeating: - Alfò! It is not my fault, believe me! I hope someday you'll understand it, your mother wants to ingratiate himself with the Lord, offering yourself as a priest says that God has given us so much, and we must counter it, giving our first-born, for its vineyards. Moreover, he says that your holiness will also Gerard, pray for you, lest he had enough .-
I did not understand her sadness, and filled my eyes all I could see around. Arrived at the workshop, I handed it to my tutor and ran away without even saying goodbye .-
Lina, until then, was to listen without looking at him, turned to him, to talk to him, but man, it turned away just in time to hide tears in his eyes. Telling a person, "who for various reasons, felt close", the years sacrificed to a vocation sets, made him fragile and sensitive to emotions. And he did not want this.
- Gerardo, knew of this choice that you had forced your mother? -
He avoided answering directly, he remained silent, looking around, took two steps es'accostò to a wall just over one meter high.
He laid on the ground inside the case with the stole and the ciborium, and began to watch the sea and the sun now high in the. Lina approached him, and he realized that he could continue the story, he closed his eyes, breathed air into his lungs and he formulated his thoughts by giving voice to what felt that: - God, is also seen in a show like that .-
And, stopping to watch the sea, the story continued, interrupted shortly before.
- One day I came home, Gerard picked me up at the station with the gig. I had just taken the diaconate, I told him to be happy, and I was glad to wear the Dalmatian, with the stole, in religious services. The answer to my brother, soon to arrive, was sarcastic and elusive. He said: "Blessed are you, you are satisfied with this."
Gerardo, then eighteen, was very cute, on the life he led: sure, it was more than I do. The teachings of the road, t'aiutano to understand, make you grow and in some ways, my brother, he could teach me a lot. This superiority, often perceived by its irony. In
pick me up at the station, the first to take me home, he wanted to stay a little down at the port: I missed a lot of the sea. The seminar was immersed in the green, felt strong, the smell of grass and moss. I learned to distinguish smells diversified at every change of seasons, separating them from those warm days and cool of the night.
I missed the smell of the sea of \u200b\u200bsalt. The incense took me less strong odors, and those of everyday life on the streets. Legammo the horse, and sat with his feet out from the pier. It was at that very moment: taking into account the mocking response of Gerard, for the first time I tried to tell him ... .-
The priest looked at the woman, and anxious to forget the weakness that caused him to be a priest, said - My God! What am I doing! I can not tell you certain things, I'm a priest! Certain weaknesses, they must remain in me, die with me! -
Instinctively, Lina took the man's hands and said: - Silence! If you can not do it, do not get more evil .-
- I want to let go and scream at those who could understand me, the disappointments that I'm lugging around, and have distorted the view of my world. ... Believe me! I do not reject God I believe in him! ... I am full of Him: I love him. But I doubt that I love him, because I was ordered, and this makes me love not as really I would. Will sin, but I think that I'm wearing the cassock hour, I would weigh less if the choice of vocation, I could get it from me, in full consciousness, and not imposed by others .-
Lina, a response to such a request, if it ever would have asked him, could also give her one. But she chose to leave out God, and that free will, that the brother had not worked. He could ask God why, he did the will of the mother, not waiting for him to give himself.
- But you priests, you do not have a spiritual father and who should monitor and support in moments like that? -
- Let me answer with another question. When you expose your problem, personal relevance, say, private. Who do you prefer to ask for advice? And, what are the parameters to which you then decide to redo that this is the right person to be able to speak? -
- Before my point of reference was Gerard and I spoke to him when I need to know, to share secrets;'s exhibiting the problem, we talked about it together and find a solution. Now, I limit myself to the extent that I am allowed to do so with my son ... Crisp .-
Lina realized the difficulty of the question, in the first response was to give. Talking about economic problems and general ill, could seek advice from anyone, but when the problem was of another kind, you needed to ask who shared joys and sorrows with you, people who will never betray your limitations: the family. And she answered: - I think I have understood what mean, the only person with whom you could confide Gerardo was not it? Only he managed to be a priest and a man, not afraid of it. He would never have condemned .-
Man, overcoming the obstacle of being a priest, tried to talk to her without falling into rhetoric. In the mind of the priest, a distant memory, made him think about what he had to say and how to tell him. His brother told him that he was accustomed to speak with Lina "wife", without emphasis or phrases, used the words that came to mind. Being careful not to go further.
- Gerardo, betraying me, if he cheated itself. For some time we shared our thoughts. I knew of your good times and your problems with him. He confided in me, felt the same way. At least once a week, I went down to the yard to see him and we talked about our family .-
- What family? -
With a hint of a smile, the man turned to she said.
- What you saw in my wallet before returning .-
red in the face, and do serious, Lina said - I do not know what you mean. -
- Well! If so, it means you do not know my family .-
- Crispin, and I will never part of your family, forget it! Never ever, we will ... get it! -
- What you say makes me suppose that know which family we are talking about it? -
Lina s 'noticed that the voltage straight from the rancor was gone. Not hated as you think you hate him and this made him fear. Yes, bit her lip, and waited for the priest to finish saying what he had started to say. ... And he did not take long to do so.
- You are my family, the most important thing in my life. I could not have a mother nor a father, my family was Gerardo, and when he married you, I made a gift of his family, never knowing that I could have my own. ... I speak, of a wife and a son of my own. Gerardo tied me to you, making me become all one with him. For this you can not, will not be part of my family, you can not join me. I love you! ... I love you because I have loved every day, until now.
is true, I made mistakes with you, I spoke with a language that does not I never practiced, and not even know how to use it, but believe me, I Volter other side so as not to scare you with my eyes if you ask me. I will tell you from afar just to know you are protected. I'll wait you understand, to explain calmly, more than ever, I will lift up his eyes on you. ... Now, I will not tell you anything else, I hope you meditate and calm, you decide to forgive me for forgetting the words I said to myself, and consider myself a relative who you want to know about you .-
Lina avoided talking, as usual, took time to reflect. He was not stupid or incapable of reasoning, but someone had taught her that the words used at the time, once reported, became something else, they said things other than those that initially had thought of saying they lost the sense of what we wanted to understand. ... Pushing with one hand, his brother in law from the wall, the woman tried to take off the black cassock, the bright spot, formed after leaning against the wall.
- Look how tanned you, you were filled with dust, you have the dirty habit of dust. I know, you've taken away half the plaster wall .-
continuing to rub his hand sull'abito black, to drive the white under your fingers, because she happened to mending a cassock. Observing calmly, Lina realized that it was very eye-catching and hurt. To her it seemed strange that he went around with a patched frock. With all the money he could buy: not one but ten of those habits. Perhaps, "thought Lina," like all rich people is also miserly, why not buy a new frock.
The priest, tried to help her clean up her skirt, then stopped and said to her, the patch on the robe.
- is done with a darning foot, you scucirà immediately. Why did you send your women out with a similar mark? -
- Nobody because of this seam. Angelina does not see so much good and I made it myself. As you can see, I'm no good with remember.
This morning I wore this, because the other had to wash it. That are broken, do not care, but they smell of fresh ... to clean .-
- You mean, not to spend money, prefer to go around like a monaco going for alms? -
- There are many things that are not as one sees . Many people think, the priest is a privilege. With me, then, can say more than that to earn as a priest, as owner earnings. One thing that Gerald knew, and others do not! I never claimed a penny from my mother. I shifted the responsibility for managing the accounts of the boats and buildings, to help them live their old age, in exchange for her, except for the operating expenses, a percentage of the proceeds, the pious institution of the sailors, "at least, what remains the institute, and the orphanage in St. Mary of the maids of Christ the King ... You see, your brother is not shining wealth, or better, however, do not tell the others. At times, the skeletons in the closet, can be uncomfortable for us as priests. People have some strange behaviors. When, in front of him, a poor priest, proves to be less willing to accept his words as truth God
What that does not happen when in front, have a priest who they think is rich, welcoming words from him, and asking for help because they know that talking about wealth venal, useless to God, is a priest rich, and does the will of God -
- Speak of the same people, like you, manage the wealth of Torre. The other day, I listened to the sermon of the young Monaco, which is every Sunday morning from the convent of S. Teresa, and says Mass in your church. Many were delighted in listening, and certainly not shining wealth .-
- That young man has the gift of faith. It is a strong faith charisma, people feel it. Our beloved fisherman of souls, the venerable Don Vincent Romano, said not to be gazing into functions of angels, but do well in the functions. The meaning of words had to be this: more or less, I think. Do I still have with me, this reflection he wrote, and came to us after his death. He said: people should watch it with serenity, should not be hard-hearted. We must prepare themselves to the Eucharist, with a pure, believing that Christ is our Lord on the altar. The priest is a bridge, who, with prayers, he must show the living and true to the faithful, living and true and give back to those who wish to receive communion. Because mine, in the Eucharistic celebration, you can not see the Christ.
A good reason, considers impure my sermons, false words, which should draw closer to God I have dictated, the same, for their dissonance t'allontanano .-
Lina began to understand what he wanted say read the writing on the note, dropped from the portfolio of the priest, and not only that. In the three hours remained to talk with the brother-in to the cemetery, she came to create such a confusion, disoriented by his every thought. He wanted to ask the brother in law one question: why her husband confided in him. And, many things about him, she told them to him? Because, believe them that the priest was against them, his family? In the minds of Lina, her husband resurface phrases repeated throughout the disagreements we had with her.
- not like you think ... this is not so, but must go this way .-
Now, she understood, but the application has not held him to her brother, she wanted more time to understand by itself, just asked: - to spend the last year? -
- As every year, after the S Mass and the Te Deum, at half past eight, finished function, accompany their parents at home, and before getting up and drink a bit 'of white wine with my father, I rephrase the usual question of invitation, if you want to come with me, already knowing what my answer: - No! You know that we have the guests .-
after glass of white wine, the renewal and best wishes go down, alone, I'll go to the hospice, and eat with the elders and sisters. To my parents, I leave the task of justifying my absence, telling the guests who are ungrateful.
guests, always lying: - A second or third degree cousin of my mother, with her husband, children and grandchildren. To them, it is added, two tenants of the building where they live and that if they go, they do so only because the boss asked him home, to prepare, we think Teresa: the woman raised in our home, helping out in, and now takes care of her. By Teresa, is his daughter, little more than a teenager.
My mother, before midnight, will complain of having lost two sons: the first because it has recently died, but for her, and for the family, was already dead, long time ago. And the second is that with sacrifices, they did study and become a priest, now abandon them, to sit with others. ... As you see, I will play bingo with people who in the eyes, will not have the venality of the greed of money, but the brightness of those who are happy to play, knowing that they won, the one that you can put at stake: candy, fruit and holy .-
- How did you know that your mother complains of having lost two children? -
- Behind the grille of the confessional not see me, but they know they are there, and tell me .-
Lina and her brother, were still a little more on the headstone of Gerald, then together, left it to the exit es 'started on the way back. Who, to the bench, to put together the catch. Who, in return for his Church. Arriving near the alley, Lina stopped, and he congratulated the brother in law.
- See you tonight at church for thanksgiving. The greeting you will do now with calm, tonight, with all the people who want to have them will be difficult to manage.
Ah! I almost forgot: do something! As soon as you can take your tunic, bring it and if you do not want to take her, send it to me for Crispin, I will try to mend decently. Ha! Another thing, I'm sorry again, but it matters to me, I want to talk to your grandson, and I would do it calmly. ... Let's do this, when you come to take me now wearing the robe, the while you sew, talk to him and his future: can we do? -
The priest, taking in his, her hand in greeting, before this instinct for differing from him, drew near, and kissed her cheeks. Cheeks, who instantly became red.
- I wish you much peace. I entrust in the hands of Mary will pray for you .-
When he returned home, Lina found the house empty, Crispin went out and she felt terribly alone, and most importantly, empty inside. Driven by the emptiness, the woman s'accasciò on the bed, and took the pillow towards you, and with him, he lay down to feel the coolness of the pillow on her face.
Se, doveva incolpare qualcuno, per l’angoscia che provava, non avrebbe saputo a chi imputarne la colpa. Affondando il viso nel cuscino, Lina si liberò presto dallo stato depressivo, in cui era caduta; un’angoscia, iniziata dalla visita al cimitero e l’incontro con il cognato.
In un attimo, senza accorgersene; le lacrime, iniziarono a uscire copiose dagli occhi, rigandole il viso. Ben presto, il pianto fu accompagnato da un forte singhiozzare. … Da quanto tempo non lo faceva? La donna trovò che era bello poter piangere; ritornava di nuovo bambina, poteva permettersi di non asciugarsi le lacrime e, il naso che colava: era sola! Lina capì che lo sfogo of those tears, he would be set free, released from resentment for years, had hatched and closed within themselves. Retained a grudge wrongly conoscedo not the truth. A truth, and she knew that Gerardo No. ... suddenly, she raised her head from the pillow, it became clear, why this was happening, had mental illumination. Suddenly it became clear in the head, the cause of the crying, because he was crying for this man?
In fact his brother was not the executioner, but the real victim of the family! And this, her husband, had known.
Lamb sacrificed by the family to keep quiet, the crowds of a psychopathic religious fanatic. And do not sacrifice him completely, killing the bud, cowardly, castrated him and gave it to God without his true vocation.



[1] quote from a paper of Blessed Vincent Romano.